I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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