Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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