they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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