It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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