I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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