did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
