you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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