I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
