they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
