Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
