Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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