We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize