i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
