I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
