I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
