What a fucking waste of an outfit
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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