I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My life is pants optional.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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