and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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