She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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