I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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