I wannas sexs uuuuu
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
