Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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