people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Panties = found
Randomize
