Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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