Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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