and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
