i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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