the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
