no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
