we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
