I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
