I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
