How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
