Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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