Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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