My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
