i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
