I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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