hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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