The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize