If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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