Banned from zoo.
Again?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
