IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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