Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize