just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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