Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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