Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
