She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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