apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize