There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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