11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
