the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
