Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
