You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
