I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
