I got chris browned last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
