More tranny stories later!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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