i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
