Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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