My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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